Just For Fun: Wearable Tech Of The Future

March 24, 2014

We asked our O Group team a few questions about wearable tech of the future last week. We didn’t quite know what they would come up with, or what we would do with the results, but we did know that a creative team like this would have some awesome (and sometimes awesomely bad) ideas.​

The results we got back read a little like a “Splurge vs. Steal” section of a fashion magazine. “Steal” being the reality of what currently exists in wearable technology, and “Splurge” being our team’s fantasy inventions. Curious about what they came up with?​

“CLOTHES THAT REGULATE YOUR BODY TEMPERATURE”

The “Steal” version? Under Armor Cold and Heat Gear – while it doesn’t qualify as wearable tech, it’s the only thing that comes close to one team member’s imaginary clothing/tech hybrid that heats up and cools down automatically to maintain a constant, comfortable body temperature. I predict a mad rush for these come July (of 2020?) in New York City on a subway platform.

“AN UMBRELLA THAT SYNCS WITH THE WEATHER FORECAST AND ALERTS YOU WHEN IT’S GOING TO RAIN”

The “Steal” – perhaps your iPhone’s weather app? As New Yorkers, without the protection of a car, we’re constantly worried about the weather. I will say that I think we’re an oddly “weather obsessed” team (one who just recently over lunch “invented” a weather app that pulls information from all weather channels, and ranks them by historic accuracy). That said, who wouldn’t want their umbrella to flash or buzz as they walked out the door, reminding them to grab it as they go? Count me in.

“CLOTHES THAT GIVE YOU A WORKOUT”

The “Steal”? Well this one’s obvious: we’ve all seen the late-night commercials for that frightening “ab-belt” device, watched someone’s muscles twitch involuntarily, moving the black elastic band up and down. While we might be an office that’s launched the “Project Pants” campaign more than once (“project to fit back into your pants”), I’m going to guess we’re not the only ones who’ve ever wished you could work out, without actually working out.​

And finally, because I can’t deny all you readers the opportunity to hear some of our fabulously awful ideas, here we go: the winner for the most terrible, hilarious wearable tech invention.

“PANTS THAT PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE WHEN YOU’RE ABOUT TO EAT A SECOND PIECE OF CAKE”

Do we have too many team birthday celebrations? Maybe everyone wants this terrible invention as much as we do. Kickstarter, anyone? The team member with this genius wish added that the clothing would have a “device that stimulates problem areas, and tones.” I’ll take two.​

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